Infinity

Dear Cha,

I want you here, now. No excuses. I don’t care about visa’s, laws or jurisdictions. Fuck that. I want to hold you, feel you and be with you all the time. I want my life with you to begin now. I want to take you to all the places we talk about and do all the things we dream about. I want my forever to start now with you. I don’t know how, but I will make it happen soon…

I Love You <3

cloudbearer:

One day
I will see you
without the screen
standing between.
One day
I will hold
not a pillow, not the air
but your hand
intertwined with mine.
One day
the dreams will be real,
the wishes
will all be fulfilled.

It may not be today
tomorrow is still away
but one day you will see
I’ll make all of it real

One day
you will wake up
with me in your arms.
One day
you will be greeted
with a hug
when you get home.
One day
you will say
today was once a one day.

Happy 7 month anniversary to the best girlfriend, fyfy, friend, penpal a person could ask for. For the last seven months you have made me the happiest person alive. You helped me see the light again, and realize I could find true love. As cliche as it may sound, you are my other half. You are my Princess

I Love You Charisse Kaur <3

i am sitting by my computer waiting for your reply

i am so sorry baby, i feel like shit right now

cloudbearer:

People tend to believe in a lot of things when it comes to the happenings in their lives. Some people believe that it must be fate, while the others believe it must be destiny, while there are a few others who believe that the stars must have guided them to where they are now, a horoscope that fitted perfectly in their lifestyle, or maybe even just coincidence or God’s Will. But aren’t they the same thing?

It was meant to be, was probably what he’ll say.

After a year of ignoring a website due to flashbacks and irrational fear of “past repeating itself”, I opened it again. No special reason, I was just bored and feeling quite a bit lonely after more than a month of being holed up at home. And since I stopped going out for socializing purposes, I fill my social meter through the worldwide web. But thinking about it before, that’s the same reason why I signed up for that site a few years ago. Maybe the past was repeating itself, I thought. But I needed someone to talk to, and that was more than enough to set the thought aside, “As long as I don’t feel the need to be ‘more than friends’ to any guy, I’ll be fine.”

Because of my first ever experience of falling in love with a boy who lives on the other end of the horizon —who shortly left me waiting for nothing but heartbreak — I thought that long distance relationship is impossible. I was bitter. It won’t work and your paranoia will kill you. And I couldn’t help but question myself whenever I read about successful couples in an LDR relationship, “What did I do wrong all those years ago? Did I scare him with all my daydreams?” but that’s the past and I’ve moved on. And he taught me one thing:

No one will love me.

If anyone will ever say that he loves me, I said to myself before, then it’s probably fake. People will eventually leave me again because I am not enough. I am a toy that people get tired of. I’ll be remembered only when I’m needed. That’s how my mind used to work, and it tortured me.

A few days passed after I activated my account. I wake up each day checking my email or scrolling through numerous profiles with pictures of unfamiliar people and descriptions about themselves, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone. I was more entertained in trying to make my profile look better, wishing at the back of my mind that anyone would make the first move to say hi.

There were some though, according to the built-in tracker, who viewed my profile. There was someone who sent me a message saying he’s going to the Philippines and wants to meet me. Automatic no. I have an idea what you’re up to. Another reason to prove that I’m just a toy, I thought.

I was close to shutting down my account again and just retreat to fantasy land where my imaginary friends are waiting. And I was afraid of sending out “Hello, how are you?” messages knowing they don’t ever respond anyway. I finally cancelled my friend requests to people that has been pending for a year.

I was invisible until —

my email tab suddenly informed me that I have a new email. It’s from the website saying someone sent me a message. I was smiling in front of the computer again; neon lights saying, “I got a message!!!” flashing inside my head, “And it wasn’t from the random dude!!”

The email couldn’t load quick enough. But when the content finally showed itself after what seemed like hours, I read every word, every sentence over and over:

“… user 9974240 sent you a message. Scroll down to read it…”

“Who is this guy?” I asked myself. Quickly I logged into the website again and tracked his ID. Long seconds passed and the result came. I clicked on his profile and stared at his picture holding a sword for a long time, “Where did he get that sword, I want it…” then finally convinced myself to read his “About Me” section.

My eyes were stuck on the words: Kung Fu.

He knows martial arts. And it’s Kung Fu. And he has a sword!!! So I replied to his message and left a comment saying: You know Kung Fu? I.LIKE.YOU haha. With the “haha” so he won’t feel like I’m a creep and go away.

But he didn’t, and that’s how everything started.